thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
