Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Even my vagina gasped.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
