do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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