im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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