if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
