I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
