I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
