yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
