Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
