I think im going to throw up on grandma
false alarm. still invincible.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
