she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
