This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
