You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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