she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
