Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
