my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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