Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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