I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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