and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
