What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
