Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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