dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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