is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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