Soap is not a condiment
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
