why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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