Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize