I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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