I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
