I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
