How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she smelled like a LAN party
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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