They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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