my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
