By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
