Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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