I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
