oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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