hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
