I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
