I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
