I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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