I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
