and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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