She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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