Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
