His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize