He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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