I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
