i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
