I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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