I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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