Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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