Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
