i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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