oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
