420 ftw
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
