I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
