bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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