Apparently you make a good broom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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