Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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