he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
