There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
