Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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