Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
