he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
