I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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