he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
