hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
