Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i think i just lost a toe
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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