He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
