babies were throwing up all over the place
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
