I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
