i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
